How to Support a Loved One with Depression

Depression is a serious illness that can cause overwhelming distress for individuals and their loved ones. We often want to help, but sometimes our well-intentioned efforts can make things worse. However, it's important to stay hopeful and prioritize getting our depressed family members the support they need. Here are three strategies that can work with depressed family members.

Avoid Minimizing Their Struggle

Depression is a complex illness that demands a comprehensive approach. A person battling depression requires counseling, a robust support system, healthy coping mechanisms, and potentially medication. As part of their support system, it is important that we avoid trivializing their struggle.

Expressions like "it's not that bad," "everyone gets depressed," or "just get over it," no matter how well-intentioned, only serve to belittle their experience. Depression depletes a person's energy, optimism, and motivation. Overcoming it is not a matter of sheer willpower or a simple snap back to normalcy.

Instead, we should regard their illness as a serious condition that, with the right interventions, can be alleviated. By acknowledging the gravity of their situation and empathizing with the difficulties they face, we establish trust and credibility. It is through this empathetic approach that our optimistic support can truly resonate with them.

To initiate a conversation without provoking defensiveness or withdrawal, consider using the following phrases:

- "Lately, I've noticed some changes in you and wanted to check how you're doing."

- "You've seemed quite down recently, and I'm concerned. Can we talk about it?"

- "Has something happened that contributed to how you're feeling?"

- "How can I support you best at this moment?"

- "Have you considered seeking help?"

Let Them Know You’re by Their Side

Being a supportive presence throughout their journey is powerful. Instead of pressuring them, offer healthy suggestions as invitations. For example, invite them to join you in activities like biking or working out. Share relaxation techniques like yoga or deep breathing and offer to do them together. Be positive, persistent, and avoid pushing them. Remember, being supportive involves offering encouragement and hope. Very often, this is a matter of talking to the person in language that he or she will understand and respond to while in a depressed mind frame.

Here are some examples of things to say:
“Tell me what I can do to help you now”
“You are important to me”
“Your life is important to me”
“You may not believe it now, but how you are feeling will change”
“I’m right here for you”

Here are some things NOT to say:
“It’s all in your head”
“There’s nothing I can do about your situation”
“You need to snap out of it”
“We all feel depressed sometimes”
“You just need to think positive”
“Look at the bright side”
“Shouldn’t you be better by now?”

Give Them Positive & Realistic Hope

Begin conversations with empathy and end with hopeful statements. Understand that they may respond negatively, but don't take it personally. For example, acknowledge their feelings, make a request, and conclude with a positive statement and a hopeful outlook. Avoid direct commands that can lead to defensiveness.

This may sound like: “I know you are not feeling well, but we would love if you would join us for dinner, it’s nice to see your face at the table, and who knows? It may even help you feel a little better.”

In contrast, a direct command like "Come down and join us for dinner; you've been in your room all day, and it will make you feel better," often makes someone defensive. The depressed individual might think, "I won’t feel better," perceiving it as negative judgment and feeling misunderstood. Consequently, they become defensive, leading them to reject the notion that joining the dinner could improve their mood.

Remember, you can't fix someone's depression, but you can be a compassionate and supportive listener. It's important to have a comprehensive range of tools and approaches.

Lastly, there are some therapeutic products such as weighted blankets that are shown to have positive effects in soothing anxiety. They work to soothe the parasympathetic nervous system and ease the anxiety that usually goes along with depression. These blankets create a sense of safety and have been shown to stimulate greater production of serotonin. They can be used on the bed or draped over someone while sitting, promoting relaxation and calmness. Choose quality blankets for better results.

When it comes to supporting your friend/family member who is experiencing depression, these are a few important strategies you can use on a daily basis. These suggestions will help you as you assist them in getting counseling, learning coping skills, and staying connected and active. Remember, you can't fix their depression or save them from it. It's not your responsibility to solve the problem or make them happy. Ultimately, their recovery depends on them. But by using these strategies, you can provide meaningful support to your family member as they deal with depression.